We recognize and appreciate the significant role that you have played in the life of your student prior to arriving at Penn State. We want this role to continue by cultivating an effective partnership during your student’s college career even as your role changes to that of a coach or mentor.
Your Student’s Responsibility
At Penn State, we expect our students to:
- Become increasingly responsible for their actions, including their academic and social decisions
- Take the lead in solving their problems
- Abide by community standards (see the Student Code of Conduct)
- Explore the educational opportunities available, select a major in which they will succeed and enjoy and put forth their best efforts in the classroom
- Take advantage of the tremendous array of opportunities outside of class by choosing meaningful ways to become active citizens on campus and in the broader community
- Embrace opportunities to experience, interact with, and learn from the broad diversity of people in the Penn State community
Penn State’s Role
Penn State aims to:
- Be a student-centered research university
- Have faculty, staff and administrators that strive to support our students both in and out of class
- Provide the necessary resources and support services to enhance student success
- Provide a safe, healthy community for students to live, learn, and grow academically and socially
- Take an active role in meeting this goal through outreach and communication to our parents and family members
Your Role
Many incoming college students see their family members as trusted coaches and sources of support, which is not likely to change when they begin their Penn State career. Students need you to support their growth, development, and independence, and to also be a stable force in their ever-changing world.
- Support student autonomy. Young adulthood is a time when your relationship changes from an adult-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship. Support your student’s autonomy by actively redefining your relationship, relinquishing unnecessary control, encouraging personal responsibility and problem solving, and supporting decisions made by your student. When a problem arises, be slow to step in and allow your student time to learn how to fix their own problems.
- Stay connected. Expect that your student will not respond to all your contacts whether by phone/text, email, or even “snail” mail, but know that they appreciate hearing from you. Visit, but not too often and not too soon.
- Embrace exploration. Your student is experiencing new viewpoints and perspectives that may challenge prior belief systems. Allow them to explore ideas without being judgmental. Understand that changes in students’ viewpoints, behavior, dress, eating and sleeping habits, and relationships with family members are all to be expected. However, if you suspect that some of these changes may be signs of bigger problems, trust your instincts. Your student may need you to refer them to the appropriate resources described in this guide for help.
- Be knowledgeable about campus resources. Explore the resources available in this guide, the Parents Program website, and email newsletters. By acting as a referral source for your student, you can demonstrate that you are interested in your student’s life at the University, and at the same time, empower your student to explore resources and solve their problems.
- Continue difficult conversations. You still have influence on your student’s behavior. In college, your student will have to make their own decisions about what time to get up in the morning, when to study, when to exercise, which organizations to participate in, what to eat, whether to drink alcohol and whether to engage in romantic relationships. Although you cannot force your student to behave as you would want them to, you can create an atmosphere of open communication by listening and sharing family expectations.
- Recognize the challenges. The first year of college can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments, and, most of all, mistakes. It is also full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and exciting people. The reality is that there are times in college when your student might experience all of the above, which is normal and to be expected.
- Welcome change. Your student will change, and so will you. College and the experiences associated with it can effect changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior. These changes are natural and inevitable. They can also be inspiring or challenging. You cannot stop change, and you may never understand it, but you can accept it and support your student’s decisions. Trust your student, and trust the job you have done in getting them to this point.
Adapted from Helping your first-year college student succeed: A guide for parents by R. H. Mullendore and L. Hatch (2000).